Dear Vaughn,

My dearest Vaughn,

I can write this letter solely to you because you're my baby, and Greyson will understand because he has four years worth of frequent posts and pictures to document his early life.  You, Vaughn, have fewer.  But I think you'll understand, because you're sweet like that - already.  You're sweet enough to giggle to yourself in your crib in the middle of the night.  You smile at almost everything your brother does.  The only time you don't smile is when you look concerned because he's crying.  You tolerate his loudness, his roughness, his goofiness.  You seem to understand that it's all for you, he just wants to make you happy.

I'm crying at my desk today because I was thinking about how you've changed in a week.  You haven't changed a lot, you're not a new baby, but there's this one tiny thing that's making me cry.  For the first week of daycare, when I dropped you off you would lean over to the teachers with a smile and happily go into their arms, just as you would with any other stranger.  You are my sweet and friendly baby, no signs of stranger anxiety yet, no clinging to mommy.  But this week, this week you've changed a little.  You don't cry, you don't cling, but you don't always go happily.  I have to turn you around in my arms and offer you to the teacher.  And that makes me cry, that simple little change.  I want you to be happy to go, to assume that I'll be there when you need me.  You dad tells me that when he picks you up, you wiggle and smile, and can't wait to be in his arms.  You greet me like that each evening, hungry to be in my arms and snuggle as much as you are hungry to nurse.

I know this is normal, I know I would be emotionless were I not to feel this way.  But it's enough right now to make me want to quit my job.  To stay home with my smiling boy, to enjoy you all day every day.  I made the mistake of telling your dad that just now and he supported my decision, which makes it even harder for me to stay at work each day while you're in someone else's arms.

I'll leave it at that for today.  I have so much to tell you about yourself at 7 months - the brand new tooth, the sweet and goofy smiles, the rocking on all fours, you're almost there!  For now, know that I want you and need you as much as you need me.

All my love,
Your Mama